A Bizarre Couple
by aGreatPenName
Summary: Who would have that Sakura was afraid of commitment? Hidan only asked for eternity, what’s the problem?


**Title: A Bizarre Couple**

**Rating: T (swears, swears, and more swears)**

**Type: AU -****Based off my one-shots "Order of Operations" and "He loved how crazy she was"**

**Status: Complete**

**Disclaimer: I own the plot, that is all**

**Word count: 4492**

**Summary: Who would have that Sakura was afraid of commitment? Hidan only asked for eternity, what's the problem?**

----

He fucking hated that girl.

"Sakura! I can't believe you! Why would you let him tag along? He's a freaking psycho!"

The feelings were mutual it seemed.

After all they were both glaring at each other with disgust in their eyes. He assumed she hated him for killing her sensei. Asuma was his name if memory served right.

He on the other hand just flat out thought she was a waste of flesh. She was a grade 'A' bitch and a slut at that. She could always be seen screeching like a banshee and without a doubt she hit on anything that had a cock and pretty face.

"Calm down Ino" Sakura said holding up her hands trying to placate her.

"Calm down!?" She ferociously pointed at the unperturbed Hidan as she screamed "He fucking killed Asuma sensei! Did you forget that!?"

Crossing his arms Hidan let the murderous intent that the girl was emitting bounce right off him. And he noted mildly that, indeed, he did remember the name correctly.

Ino then shifted her attention back towards Sakura screaming "How could you even let that monster associate with you? How could you? After everything he's done! Not only that! You're always flirting with that bastard!" Her eyes were dilated, her breathing was heavy, and she was beginning to shake with rage.

And before anyone could properly respond, Ino roughly slammed Sakura against the sidewall of the restaurant they'd met each other at.

Gripping Sakura's shoulders tightly she shouted "He's the damn enemy you moron! Akatsuki!"

Hidan acted on reflex and roughly grabbed a fist full of blond hair dragging the livid girl away from a stunned Sakura. "Shit! If you weren't Sakura's friend you'd be dead by now."

As Ino clawed at his hand and demanded he "let the hell go," Hidan looked over at the bewildered medic. He made eye contact with her and asked if she still seriously considered the loud bitch a friend. 'Cause if not he'd be more than willing to use her as a sacrifice.

At her hesitant nod, Hidan reluctantly released Ino who quickly recoiled a good distance away from him.

With renewed vehemence, Ino yelled at Sakura to choose between her and the "albino freak."

Sakura simply stared aghast unable to come up with a response. However, it seemed her stunned silence was more than enough for Ino, who glared with such spite at the silver and pink haired duo before she bounded away on the rooftops.

Letting lose a long string of threats and curses under his breathe Hidan crouched down to Sakura who had slumped to the ground. As he was checking the back of her head for injuries, Hidan jolted as Sakura harshly clung to him and let out pained gasps for air.

Despite being caught off kilter, Hidan stood bringing Sakura along with him and hefted her into his arms. If it wasn't such a dire situation Hidan would have reveled at the feel of her legs squeezing his hips as she desperately clung to his shoulders.

Seriously, this is why he didn't like most females. They start fighting over the gayest things, especially that Ino chit.

As it was… he figured he needed to get her to her home as soon as he felt the dampness on his shoulder.

-----

The following week Hidan found himself at Sakura's apartment each night acting as a comfort pillow for the girl. He felt more like a damn whipped pansy than a pillow though, what with the amount of mollifying he did for the woman.

And during that week he couldn't help but notice that Sakura was more paranoid than normal. She acted liked she was going to be jumped at any given second, and had this look about her eyes that indicated anything but sanity.

If that wasn't freaky enough, the other day she had been sobbing because she had stubbed her toe and she was positive that nothing ever went right in her life.

He swore to Jashin-sama that she was more hormonal than any pregnant woman could ever hope to be. In the span of thirty minutes she'd smile and laugh, then completely snap, and then break down into tears over the dumbest things. It was ridiculous. Why the hell should she give a damn she wasn't friends with the harpy anymore? And he asked her that much.

It was then Hidan learned sometimes it's best not to fucking open your mouth. 'Cause next thing he knew he was sporting the biggest shiner he'd ever seen.

-----

The week after that, Sakura managed to compose her self and apologized for subjecting him to her terrible tendencies.

Hidan eyed her wearily assessing her mental stability before muttering, "It was fine. If she wasn't so fucking crazy he wouldn't be wasting his time."

Genuinely laughing for the first time in a week, she punched him lightly in the shoulder and chuckled "Right back at cha Sunshine."

To celebrate her renewed spirit, Hidan decided it would be best to go out drinking and have one hell of a time.

Pouting Sakura commented that the only times they went drinking together was so Hidan could find ways to piss her off.

Finally able to go back to his snarky self without being punched into next week, Hidan only stated that he had no idea why she hated being completely hammered. After all, it was only due to his insistence that she could fucking relax and hit on him like she knew she damn well wanted too. At least her innerself had enough balls to try to get what she fucking wanted when given the opportunity.

Growling Sakura punched the worshipper with enough force that she broke two of his ribs.

Maybe if he was lucky, he thought, his lung would be punctured too.

As she stomped away Hidan clearly heard her mutter "Fucking bastard! Show him who's got balls!"

"Jashin-sama, I'm fucking in it deep" He quietly mused to himself as he watched the kunoichi rigidly walk towards a tavern. The view was divine.

If he could imagine what salvation was, he could compare it to his ass being handed over on a silver platter by that girl. Just thinking about her causing his body damage made his desire to get her smashed even greater.

Inner Sakura would undoubtedly come out in due time and she was one hellion he'd really like to tumble with tonight. Well, even if he couldn't really get any yet, he'd make sure to cop a feel. Damn order of operations…

He cradled his ribcage in one arm with sadistic glee, oh tonight was going to be one hell of a night.

-----

Two weeks later Sakura came home from an S classed mission on a stretcher.

Tsunade frightfully said she "didn't know if she could save her apprentice. There was so much internal hemorrhaging. The worst injury of all was the puncture straight through her stomach. All the gastric acid surged onto her internal organs and with no sodium bicarbonate to neutralize it… Sakura was literally being destroyed from within."

When Hidan was alerted of her precarious situation nothing short of permanent decapitation and dismemberment could stop him from being by her side.

And by glory, some of the ANBU that had been assigned to watch over Hidan back in the day were perturbed by his fierce and seemingly suicidal determination to see the pink haired medic, as he tried to cleave his way past their security into the Intensive Care Unit. Never before had they seen the Jashinist in such a ferocious state, and that was saying a lot.

When a hysterical Naruto told Ino about Sakura and how she might not make it, Ino collapsed as she felt her world shatter.

Forehead was supposed to be _miserable,_ not get herself killed.

-----

The next sixteen hours were spent in tense silence between Naruto, Hidan, Kakashi, Ino and other numerous loved ones.

Sakura was still undergoing surgery, and her heart had stopped on two separate occasions so far.

Hidan constantly asked the mother-fucking-nurses-who-knew-shit for updates every hour, swearing that if they didn't hurry their asses up there'd be fucking hell to pay. He'd then flop down into a seat smooth back his hair and glare at the floor waiting for any type of news.

Ino would glare at the silver haired man, but inwardly she agreed with his assessment about the nurses.

-----

Two days later Sakura finally stabilized.

Neither Ino nor Naruto left her side for more than six hours at a time. However this was only due to the fact that Tsunade herself pretty much coerced or rather kicked them out since they were causing her staff, which was impeccable by the way, a boat load of trouble.

Hidan, despite any threat posed by the Godaime, never left her side unless he needed the can.

And he was the one who harassed the staff the worst…

-----

The next day Hidan found himself being scrutinized by the blond girl.

He had to admit he was surprised she was there so much after that fight. He thought for sure their damn friendship had ended.

She must have come to some conclusion after studying his less than manicured condition, because she was sporting a sour look. Lightly she said, "I still don't like you."

He raised his brow in question but she didn't elaborate

----

Another two days later Sakura woke up to three relieved faces.

She was still being pumped anesthetics so she was considerably out of whack.

She giggled how wonderful it was to see her "three favoritest people." She was so happy they were all there together!

Sakura received incredulous stares as she began to list off why she loved each one individually.

Ino she loved because she was the first to ever "see" her ya know? She loved her so much that at one time she thought she was a lesbian. But it wasn't meant to be. She needed someone who was totally stable and not chasing after five people at the same time. Dear Ino was far too flighty for her tastes.

Naruto she loved because he was "absolutely adorable! Like the loud obnoxious brother she never had." But boy oh boy could he be annoying and never shut up sometimes.

Hidan she loved because he was "HAWT!!" and had "the prettiest purple eyes" she'd ever seen. He was the psychotic and literal lady-killer that romance books were written for! What she would give to get one of those steamy shower scenes –

But before she could go on about anything else she loved, Tsunade who had overheard everything, sent some chakra into Sakura's system and knocked her out in no time flat.

She explained that her apprentice needed more rest. And that, "No Naruto" she wasn't afraid to hear what Sakura was going to say next or about her. And that he should really stop calling her Obaa-chan because she wasn't that old!

-----

Thirty minutes later Ino broke the bemused silence.

"You lover her?" she asked skeptically.

Hidan didn't deem it necessary to respond.

She huffed and muttered under her breathe that he was such a bastard. She couldn't see why Forehead bothered.

Getting annoyed Hidan smoothed his hair back as he said he "didn't believe in naming intangible things with such gay names. And seriously", what was it to her huh?

Ino was amazed and maybe even confused into silence as Naruto and Kakashi talked in the background.

-----

Another three days later and Sakura woke up again, this time with her wits about her.

Unfortunately, for Hidan, she woke during one of the rare times when Tsunade and Naruto had forced him to leave so he could eat, and maybe just maybe go take a shower.

So it was solely up to Ino to welcome the girl back to the land of the conscious.

"Hey Forehead, you finally decided to grace us with your presence?"

"I-Ino?" Sakura said as she struggled to get up.

"Whoa! Hey lay back down will ya!?" The blond said as she lightly pushed the pink head back into her pillows.

The uncomfortable silence was deafening.

"He never left your side" Ino said nonchalantly as she sat down crossing her legs.

"…Eeh?"

"He's … he's not all that bad… I guess" she said lamely, too ashamed to look into her friend's emerald eyes.

Finally catching on, Sakura said with a smile, "No he's not."

In the first time in weeks, the two friends looked at one another and smiled.

"I hate to admit it but he does have a damn fine body."

Turning into a tomato Sakura sputtered "I-Ino! Don't say stuff like that about him!"

"What? He does! Besides, you're the one dating him! You should know it by now!"

"I am NOT dating him!"

"Are too Billboard Brow!"

"Are not Pig!"

The two sized each other up and simultaneously burst out laughing.

It was to this hysterical laughter that Hidan and Kakashi walked in.

After Ino stifled her laughter she told Sakura that she was going to go home and that it was all her fault that she fell behind on her beauty sleep.

Turning to leave, Ino's eyes focused on Hidan noticing how relieved he seemed now that Sakura was awake.

-----

Seriously, what is with that bitch? Why the hell is she always staring at him?

Then to Hidan's surprise, she gave a smirk saying, "I still don't like you. But, I'll tolerate you for Forehead's sake."

Hidan a bit surprised locked his violet eyes with her opaque blue.

If keeping on bearable grounds with the blond witch was what kept Sakura from flying off the handle, he might as well concede to that psycho this once.

With a cocky smirk of his own he merely shrugged saying it was her "own fucking funeral."

Kakashi who was standing off to the side, gave his trademark smile whilst scratching the back of his head not rightly sure what just happened. So without further ado he whipped out a stack of the Icha Icha series and put it on her side table with the excuse of, "in case you get bored." Then he transported out of the room with a poof.

And that left the wounded wonder and the sadist, who each had a thing for the other but couldn't admit it to one another, alone.

How awkward.

Even in her weakened state, Sakura couldn't help but notice how haggard Hidan looked. He had bags under his eyes, he was abnormally pale, and even though he only wore a pair of shinobi pants and a fishnet shirt, he was uncharacteristically unkempt. Even his hair was askew, and that was a big deal. If Hidan was superficial about anything, it would be his hair.

She was startled out of her thoughts as a pair of disgruntled violet eyes became all too close all too fast.

"That was fucking stupid. You shouldn't have gone on that mission."

"_**What!"**_ Sakura and her Inner quickly took to the defense as she all but snarled in his face. She was a _kunoichi _damn it all, that's what she'd been training her whole life for!

"What to die like a miserable creature that-" but Hidan couldn't even finish as Sakura's temper finally took over.

"I thought you of all people would understand! You know this is what I've always wanted, you're such a jerk! Now that I've finally gotten to the point where I'm capable you just want me to say 'oh that looks dangerous, I'll let someone else handle it'?"

After that statement Sakura started poking hastily into Hidan's chest making snide comments that he was sure he'd flinch at if he could actually decipher what she was saying.

She was just so-so…so mad! She sputtered and minced her words so badly but she sure as hell made it a point to ground out when _he_ was the one being a fucking ass. And she was _tired_ damn it all!

Then he had the gall to stop her from poking him by wrapping his stupidly large hand around her wrist!

Dear Jashin, she was blowing a gasket and he didn't-even-know-why! More than bewildered Hidan asked "what the fuck was wrong?" and ended up getting punched by the woman's free hand in the temple.

Now, normally her punches were a turn-on, but that was freakin' retarded even for her.

Never one for patience or sympathy for that matter, Hidan pinned Sakura to her hospital bed and said if she wasn't going to be reasonable he was going to "fucking leave and get some sleep now that he knew she wasn't going to keel over on him."

Wide eyed Sakura stopped short as if the rug was ripped right out from under her. When did he last get some sleep? How long was she knocked out? He was really that worried?

"Huh…" Sakura mumbled as her eyes softened slightly at his grumpy and frumpy façade.

"What are you Huh'ing about huh?"

"It's just that I nearly died and here you are yelling at me. Heaven forbid Hidan the Mighty would possibly comfort me. No no my mistake…"

Pouting and considerably less angry emerald eyes were able to see violet eyes lose their fire.

Looking into the eyes of his prey…err love interest Hidan could only deflate. She looked pretty freaking pathetic and she only emphasized that by pouting at him.

It was with a sigh that Hidan visibly gave up the fight. He lessoned his hold on her pinned body, but never lost contact and let his head drop down next to Sakura's as he muttered into her ear "You seriously know how to manipulate people don't you?"

Letting loose a snort Sakura could only smile as she retorted "Damn straight."

Both parties then began to laugh. Sakura, because she just couldn't fathom why they both got along so well. And Hidan, because he couldn't believe how this bloody bird could make him see red one minute then want to bend her over and fuck her senseless the next.

As his chuckling died down a bit Hidan lifted his head from Sakura's shoulder and stared into her happy eyes.

Their laughter completely died as Hidan's focus onto Sakura's lips. And without further ado Hidan leaned down and the pair shared their first kiss.

There was no tongue licking, saliva sharing, teeth nipping, or even mouth popping sounds. No it was lip on lip, not chaste per say but definitely not hastened into a lustful frenzy, but it definitely was something so very right after so much beating around the bush for the past three years.

Pulling apart both sported a stupid happy smile. Sakura of course was blushing but what was surprising was how Hidan seemed to have a tiny red tint to his cheeks too.

Hands finally free Sakura couldn't help but take his face in her hands and pull him down for aonther short kiss. Sometimes he was just too cute…

Pulling apart for the second time Hidan was decidedly different. This time there was a smirk damn close to malevolence on his face.

She really spoke too soon about him being remotely close to cute. There were rare times like this, that Sakura really remembered Hidan wasn't part of the Akatsuki merely by fluke.

He continued his dark smile and laid his forehead against Sakura's. Ominously Hidan stated he was so glad he could "stop pussy footing around" and could "Finally. Finally claim" her "under the name of Jashin."

Eyes wide, Sakura went numb staring into his dark look hearing her 'Inner' muttering in panic _**"Oh shit! Oh SHIT!"**_ Over and over again.

"Don't worry," he continued as he kissed her forehead. "I'll _never let you go_ and _never_ let harm come to you again" Hidan continued in reassurance.

Too bad all he ended up doing was scaring her shitless.

Never for him really meant _never_, like as in for all eternity. This was commitment to the extreme and it was terrifying.

Pushing at his chest with her arms in hopes to get a little bit of space, Sakura nervously stated "Let's slow down a bit Hidan."

Still pinning her with a look of sinister intrigue he said "Sure". Even though he agreed, to Sakura it sounded like he really had no intention of doing so.

Kissing her temple this time Hidan continued "I'll wait forever if I have to".

With a gulp Sakura knew he could and would wait forever.

----

Two weeks later thanks to Ino Sakura discovered she was a coward.

Hidan came everyday to see her when she was in the hospital and he occasionally got that intense look in his eye. It was enough to put her on edge.

So when she was released from the hospital she made it a point to try to avoid the sinister but amorous man. That is, until Ino-Pig cornered her about that very fact.

The blonde nearly boxed her ears in shouting to the world how much of a moron she really was. Ino said that she "finally got a boyfriend who was committed" to her and that she was "running away like a coward!"

Sakura had yelled back in a freaked out voice that he wanted "eternity! That's insane!"

Ino not believing her ears took Sakura in a head lock and whispered darkly "You always wished for a love that would last forever Forehead. And now that you can have it you're acting like a fucking wuss!"

"Yeah well I regret that wish!"

Increasing the pressure of the headlock Ino continues furiously "I don't care if you're bat-shit scared right now! I won't let you leave that guy hanging like you are now!"

Wheezing and tears tumbling down her face Sakura whispered forlornly "Why are you taking that guy's side over mine? You don't even like him!"

"Even if I don't like that guy, I won't let you screw this up! I don't know what happened but when you're with him I've never seen you happier! Besides you didn't see him worrying and pacing like a madman when you were in the hospital!"

Releasing the headlock for holding her shoulders Ino stared into her best friend's eyes and told her "He loves you! I know you love him! What's the problem?"

Tears still rolling Sakura retorted angrily that it's "Complicated!"

Aqua eyes narrowed and demanded "Why is it so complicated?"

"It … it just is!"

"That's not an excuse Sakura, and you know it" and Ino left her with those words ringing in her ears.

After a few hours of crying, screaming and decimating a practice field Sakura realized yes, yes she was acting like a coward. But she didn't care. She'd never really been in a relationship before and it was all too new and all too fast.

And damn it! Why did he have to claim her in the name of some blood thirsty god?

---

One week later Sakura came to terms that Hidan was fucking scary but she still loved him anyway.

She had been moping in her apartment ever since Ino confronted her until she had her door kicked in by none other than Hidan.

He was cursing at her all the while trying to find out what the hell was wrong with her. And he didn't give a flying fuck if she didn't want to talk to him! He was freaking sick of being ignored!

Feeling cornered Sakura warned she'd kill him with chakra enhanced punch if he didn't leave.

Hidan only smirked in disdain saying "How I wish"

Blinded by rage she punched him so hard that her fist went straight through his stomach. Then she was horrified by the fact she had hurt him so badly. She pulled her arm out, feeling the hot sensation of blood spilling over herself as she pulled free of all the soft squishy organs.

"Hi-Hidan I'm so sorry I…" She blurted out as she cradled her blood soaked arm.

"Don't worry about it it's not like you can kill me." He sniffed out and crossed his arms above the gaping hole in his stomach. "But you can tell me what the hell's the matter with you."

Placing her glowing hand, still dripping in blood, on his stomach to heal his injuries, Sakura bit her lip.

"Everything's different."

"Huh?"

"Hidan I'm telling you everything is different from the way it used to be!"

"You're just being freaking ridiculous now"

"No I'm not"

"Yes you are"

"Am not!"

"Yeesh look nothing's changed! We spent nearly every flipping day together before and it never bothered you did it? You only spazzed out when we made it official. Seriously, I thought women wanted committed guys and shit."

Biting her lip Sakura looked away. He was right, not that she'd ever admit that though.

"Look I'm bad at this, I've never been in a real relationship before" she said.

"And I'm an immortal sadist who's only sacrificed chicks in his life and never wanted them before, we're even."

Taking a pause to consider him, Sakura finally said slowly "that's really not inspiring for all the lobbying you're doing you know."

Straightening his shoulders Hidan looked her straight in the eye "That's who I am. But I would never sacrifice that which is mine to care. That is my oath."

Affronted by the notion that Hidan wanted to care for her which opposed his very nature, Sakura realized that she too had influenced his life just as he had hers.

"You said wanted me to be yours forever?"

Pulling her into his arms Hidan mumbled a yes into her ear. He wanted her so fucking badly.

Surrounded by the heat seeping into her pores Sakura realized there was no way of avoiding it anymore and she hugged him around the waist. She did like him… but she questioned "how about you have me for the time being."

"Sure, sure whatever you say you sneaky little rat."

Sighing in contentment for not having to deal with the notion of forever anymore, Sakura allowed herself to realize that she loved him and it didn't matter if he was immortal and sometimes seemed like he wanted her soul itself. Who was she to complain? She was a schizophrenic.

------------

**A/N: Hot damn that was long, it seriously took on a life on its own and therefore lost its plot. But since I've been toiling with this for a while now I don't want to scrap it even if it is… bizarre and subpar **

**If you actually read this all the way through I congratulate you *salutes***


End file.
